I wonder is it alright for me to say all the stuffs out? I can't take it anymore. :( Seriously, I don't know how to settle things right. Have no idea what should I do to calm myself at all. I need HELP!

There's someone I know passed away few days ago. A girl, who fought with her sickness with positive thinking all the way long. Though I'm not her friend, I can still feel how strong she is.

It's really a shocking news that a young girl ended up her life because of a kind of sickness. Life is really fragile. Can never know what is coming up next, life can just end up the next second. Who knows? I have a deep self-examination when I know about this news.

Am not alone living in this world, there's people around us, parents, siblings, friends and maybe strangers, they're a part of us that we live with. I always tell myself, cherish everyone that I have now but sometime it really doesn't work. How do I forgive someone when he/she yell at me? How do I forget when people betrayed me? How do I can't remember, the way somebody lied to me? There's so many reasons in life that I find I can hardly forgive and forget. Speaking that I have to appreciate but how much does it work out?

Do remember, once something bad happened, it may leave scars behind. So, always be careful with what you say and what you do. Words can either heal or hurt, same goes with action. Forgive and forget, it's a simple phrase with a deep meaning inside. No doubt, I'm learning it. To everyone who reads my blog, I guess this is a lesson for everyone to learn too? Cause those who love you and the ones that you care, can't always be by your side. Forgive them and cherish them always.

Loves,
Lilian

Trust

Guess there's no one in Earth that we can't trust whole-heartedly. Though there's friends out there, psycologists or whoever that's willing to lend us their ears but there's no one who can really keep them as secrets. Sigh~

New record? About one month didn't blog. Well, finally it's over, finish a sem and having a month time for me to stay at home being a pig.

Unfortunately, it's not over yet. I decided to change to Foundation before but LimKokWing doesn't allow for some reasons. So, as a result, I'm going to continue my Diploma course. Actually it's not something bad but I have to face things like separation with some of my friends? By then, when I was ready for foundation, it turns me down when they said that I can't change. What to do? Sigh~


Am trying to take things really easy but it's really hard to do so. Recently, facing mentally problems. It's really hard to find someone to talk to. I have problem in telling things. :'( Hard to express and always in a dilemma wondering should I say out.

I know, shouldn't force myself or being over demanding. I'm not supergirl.

It's been awhile that I didn't make breakfast for my family and having one with them. Flashback, I used to have my breakfast with them every morning as I followed them to shop when I just graduated from high school. As time goes, I find I don't really spend much time with my parents anymore. I only can meet them at night for now :( Anyway, my sister and I get to make one for them this morning, really having great time with them.

Sometime, I guess I'm lucky enough to have parents like them, they're always lovely and funny. Though I really envy my parents that they really have a very good relationship. Being together for so many years, they're still very sweet. They really are very good examples for me to learn.

 

They keep on saying, study hard and get a good job. I wonder would I disappoint them someday? Lately, I'm not really satisfy with my result. Aiming to maintain my result this semester but seems it's impossible. Lecturer told us the assignments we score last week, I'm really disappointed with it. Ain't motivated to do better and I feel like giving up. I'm not as talented as the others and I'm not as hardworking as the others. I give my best but I didn't give my very best. Sigh! Kinda' regret.

Papa, mama, I don't wanna' disappoint you but I really don't feel like moving on. :'(

Ouch~

Wanna' remember today cause it's the first time I know how stomach cramp feels like. :( It's very painful. Sigh~

Luckily my dear was there for me though he doesn't really know what to do by that time I guess? Till his mum came back, she told him that maybe it's because of my stomach cramped. She gave a leaf for me and put it on my stomach. @@" Weird~ But a new experience. xD By then, his brother gave me medicine to eat and I feel better after that.

I would like cry like him if I can. D:

Luckily, I feel better now. Thanks to dear and all his family ♥

After being torture for months, finally I manage  to get a rest for one week. I never know assignments can kill people in this way, it's something like you needa' "date" with the assignments everyday. I bring my assignments no matter where I go, even when I'm having my dinner in a restaurant or while waiting for the traffics when I'm driving.=x I'm not as strong as the others, my friends they can don't sleep just to finish their work but I have to and I need it seriously. D: Feel so impress for my friends who don't have to sleep~

Sleeping beauty used to sleep at 10 every night but since the evil assignment monsters find her almost everyday, she starts to sleep late. :( From 10, she sleeps at 12 and sometime 1 or 2. If not, she'll be in bed at 1 and wake up at 4 to continue her work. Sigh ~

I know it's not the end. There's still tons of assignments waiting for me and I still feel like slacking as it's holiday. Other than that, I'm trying to get enough sleep. Can I be a pig for a week? Please~~ :(

  ^       ^
( ' (00) ' )

Pig pig Lilian ♥

Friends forever

After staying in a dilemma for some time, I've made my decision which is changing my course (Diploma) to Foundation in Graphic Design. Well, it's something good as I'm ahead of other people in terms of time.

Anyway, it tears me up whenever I think about my friends and I gonna' separate for classes. I feel awful whenever I think about it. Maybe two is better than one? But I still prefer one for this. Can we stay in a same gang till we graduate? Though it's a naive thinking of mine, yet I really wish upon a star that it may happen someday.

For when two beings who are not friends are near each other there is no meeting, and when friends are far apart there is no separation :')

Friends forever, my dearly friends. ♥

Lately

I find that I didn't update my blog for quite a some time. .___. To all my stalkers, sorry k? :P Recently, I'm kinda busy with my assignments. Having class from morning to evening everyday. Quite tough actually when time suddenly become so pack. It's very different from Sem1. In Sem1, we usually go to class for some briefing then we can go home directly. Now, we have to stay in class and do our work whereas lecturers will check about our progress.

Well, I guess it's something good as I learn to organize my time and I feel that I'm more discipline than before. So far, no more last minute work and I must make sure this habit won't stop. On the other hand, it certainly means that I'm getting not enough sleep. Sleep at 12 or 1 has become a routine for me which is something bad I think? Sigh. I wish I can be Sleeping Beauty again. ):

Anyway, I'm glad that things are getting quite smoothly for now and maybe I can receive my babe for this coming week. Crave for it badly. :S That's all for now, needa' work on my assignments again.

Tata ♥

FML ==

Alright, remember about my last post about DSLR? I think it's one of the best moment that I wanna' remember it.

 

I was overjoyed about it and it really brighten my day.I think I almost tell everyone around me that I gonna' own Canon 550D.

By then, I guess I ate something wrong and it makes me feel so sick. I was so weak and I still headed to school. Don't wanna' miss my classes? LOL Anyway, it's useless at all. In class, I don't have the mood to do my assignments. Feel so distracted as it pains so much and Derrick was there who always make me laugh. At last, my dear and I went home cause our situation were getting worse. ):

Is it because I ate too much (tam jiak)? o.o? Erk ~ =x

At the same time, I needa' catch up my friends as I have four pieces of drawing waiting for me to do. :( That's the assignment for Life Drawing that I have on the day that I was very ill. =.= Feel like doing it just now but suddenly I feel so ill again, so I just sleep for few hours. Guess what, I have a nightmare and it put me so down, can't even calm myself down. :(

I thought everything was over till someone came and told me that his girl was disappointed about the present. I don't feel like clarifying anymore, just put the blame on me k? I was just trying to apologize at the first place but who knew that the owner didn't even know what's the present was. What if I told you, I was innocent? Urghh, don't wanna' think about it anymore. Just put the blame on me, I'll accept it.

Alright, there's one word to describe me for now.

FML ~

Don't frown as if bad things happen :)

 My dad agreed to buy me a DSLR a couple weeks before and he signed a cheque for me yesterday. He asked me to buy when I decided to get one. I was so excited and I met with my dear and his brother this morning as I would like to buy it. Everything went so smoothly, we went bank in the cheque and we headed to school.

By then, I received several calls from my dad, questioning me about the cheque. At last, he stopped the cheque and it certainly broke my heart cause I broke my promise with Jing Tuang kor kor's friend and I don't get the DSLR anyhow. I felt so down by then. Thanks Natasha for cheering me up and espcially my dear, he kept on comforting me all the way long. Thank you  ♥

Till night, my brother tried to ask for the prices then suddenly he asked me go for Canon 550D. I was so shock! He told my dad about it and now, I'm going to wait till it release. :)

  Canon 550D♥

Seems like things ain't that bad as I thought. A door closed, another open. Hahas. Want to own a Canon 500D but now I have a better choice. Can't wait for it !

Life

Life is fun when you have your friends to play around.
Life is loving when you have your familys to turn to.
Life is wonderful when you're able to experience different things in life.

No matter what kind of situation you're in now, be thankful and cherish the chances that make you grow. (:

My birthday

26 Feb 2010 is a day that I'll remember forever in my life.

Actually, I don't crave for any celebrations this year but I still have great one this year. Thanks to everyone.

Deep in my heart, I know how bad birthday used to mean to me. As before, all the disappointments fall on my birthday and it never changed. I'm glad that this year I have a memorable one. No need big parties, no need big cake, it's simple yet very warm.

I realized there's another thing you have to think about for birthday. You shouldn't be the big star just because it's your birthday, what you have to think about is your beloved parents. 19 years ago, my mother gave birth to me and this should be something that needa' celebrate. If not because of my parents, I won't get a chance to come to this world and know how wonderful this world is. (: Thank you, my dearly parents. ♥

Daddie Mummie

Turning 19

Left about 6 more hours more then it will be my birthday. :)

 

 

Momo Cookie

  Basically I don't really like cookies but I crave for this kind of cookie every Chinese New Year - Momo . The other name for is Makmur but Momo sounds nicer for me. xP I think it's well known and almost every house you visit, they serve this kind of cookie. Round in shape and icing sugar all over it, cute and nice. :D

However, I'm quite picky about it. So far, the best that I like is from Taka. Though the look of it isn't that nice, it tastes great.

I bought two boxes of it yesterday and my family finish one box today. T.T Tell you a secret. I hide the other one in my room. Sshhhh ~ =x

If you know me well, maybe you'll find that if I can choose for kolo mee, I'll always choose fishball or meatball instead of the "Cha Siew" that used to be serve. So, for Chinese New Year, Momo cookie will be my choice always. :)

 

Momo Cookie 

I'm lovin' it ♥

People always give chocolate as Valentine's gift. I wonder why they don't try to give Momo ? Haha. Cheap and yet you can make it for your love one. Great idea? :P Hahas. 

3 more days then it will be Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year. Wish all have a great one this year :)

Tata ♥

My little brother

I'm kinda' worry about my little brother. Now it's their exam week and my little brother isn't really ready for it yet. I give him some revision and I'm happy that he's willing to learn. Anyway, he's poor in Chinese and Bahasa Melayu. What should I do with him? x.x Haih ~ Hope everything will be fine and I really do my very best for the revision already. 

I don't get why he's so poor in Chinese. I used to be poor in Chinese too but I can handle it well when I grow order. I only learn to write my name when I was in Primary One as in Kindy, it's purely English education. So err.. Hopefully he can do better sooner or later.

Gotta' stop blogging for now. Needa' continue give him some revision. 

Tata ♥

This is the little devil that I mentioned.

He went for a hair-cut yesterday.

LOL

Update 3 : Face ( Skin care )

I post up about how my skin is in facebook and Rachel asked me not to sleep in an aircond room. Actually, I don't really get used to it cause the weather is hot. =.="And I feel like ignoring the advice that she gave cause I really can't accept it.

But, thanks to my beloved one, he motivates me not to sleep in an aircond room. ♥ The power of love is kinda strong. x.x I know when he read this, he gonna say : " Siao ! " or " You need a slap ? " Haha ! But who cares. :P Just hope I'll make it as a routine. Wish me the best ! :)

Update 2 : Face

I'm back from my facial treatment. It pains so much !! But no pain no gain. ):

Now I'm waiting it to be recover. The beautician told me that my skin is very dry so I have to get a new lotion for my skin I guess. Sobs. Needa drink more water and eat more fruits. Can't be lazy anymore.

Go go Lilian ~~~

First celebration for my birthday

My adorable friends helped me to celebrate my birthday yesterday. It has been a long time we didn't hang out together. I'm so glad to hang out with you guys.

Well, I'm the first one who reached Spring and I was alone. I don't like the feeling of being lonely at all. =[ Feel so uneasy and uncomfortable when everywhere you go, there's someone gonna stared at you. Other than that, I can lost my way whenever I'm in somewhere I don't know well. Can you imagine such a big girl like me can get lost in Spring? =.=" Urghh, that's why I'm eager for a companian so much.

Hmmm.. Everything goes smoothly after I saw Siang Siang kor kor and we met up with the others. We went for lunch and we went to sing k. I really enjoy it. Thank you, my friends.

Jiaying,
thanks for the present and the note. Study well k? Still, I hope to hang out with you someday. Hahaha.

Dollis, Jackson, Sterling, Allen and Vaz,
thanks for the present too. ^^ Jackson, thanks for everything especially for the birthday organization. If not, I'm sure I won't able to celebrate with you all. Vaz, I wonder will you still read my blog. No matter how, I would like to let you know that it's the first time we hang out again since that day. Thanks and hope we can be friends like how we used to be. Friends, remember come find me eat Sunny Hill ice-cream whenever you're free. (:

Siang siang kor kor and YK,
thanks for bringing back the little figures from Taiwan. I'm so glad that you guys still remember what I like and both of you willing to bring it back for me. Thank you very very very much!!

It's really a great day with you all. I appreciate them a lot. Friends forever. :D

My drawing

Life is so dull when I can only stay at shop to help my parents. It comes to worse when sister wanna' surf the net and there's nothing else I can do.

Since I'm so free, I decided to draw some drawings.

My drawing

No doubt, I work it out by myself. :) If you know me well, you'll know that I like to draw cartoons and seems like I didn't change. :P 

This is what I can do when I'm boring. Actually I don't like to draw when I'm at my shop because needa' stop whenever there's customers. Other than that, the customers also will take a look at my drawing and that makes me feel rather embarrassed. >.<" Anyway, it feels great whenever they praised me. 

"Do not fail, as you go on, to draw something every day, for no matter how little it is, it will be well worthwhile, and it will do you a world of good."
~ Cennini. 

There's plenty more for me to improve and I'll keep on trying..  Tata ♥

I screwed up something again

Sometime I really don't get it why I could be so careless. A friend told me about something that I care a lot but I answered her back in a bad way. Actually I didn't mean it at all, what I wanna' do is express out how I feel. I think she got me wrong. ):

To be frank, I'm kinda' stress when people gonna think that I'm weird cause I have something different than the others and I wonder how many people could stand it when they are in my situation. Maybe it's not like what it should be but I can't change it.

I would like to apologize to her..

To my dear friend - CK,
 am sorry about what I said today. I didn't blame you and I really do appreciate your care to me and my family. Actually I would like to explain but I didn't know how to. As for all this whiles, I found that she's feeling bad whenever the others judge that she's odd. I'm sure you know who am I talking about. I'm trying to protect her cause I don't hope to see her like that. I'm very sorry as if I hurt you in words. No matter how, you're still one of my best friend. Hope you could understand my situation.

Chinese New Year

New year is just around the corner and I think most of the Chinese are busy cleaning up their houses. Well, I'm quite used to it as I'm the one who clean the house often since I graduated from high school. Something I hate about doing it is whenever I finish tidy up the whole thing, my dearly family gonna' mess up everything again. It's useless about complaining and I stop to complain cause it doesn't work at all. =.=" Anyway, we clean the whole house together this time. I'm so glad about it and it's fun while we're working together. It saves lot of time still. (:

..:::Tada:::..

Alright, I'm not action action wanna show how hardworking I am. But, why can't I be a bit taller? I need a bit taller, a bit more will do. Cause like what you can see, I can't reach to the top to make sure it's clean enough. :'( Pity pity. Sobs*


Enjoy your time with your family when you all clean your house together k? Teehee.

Good luck to all.

Tata ♥

Update about my targets :D

 .::Teeth cleaning ::.

Oh well, I've been there today but I did not do for it as the dentist advised me not to. The reason is my teeth are still clean enough. Help my parents save money and I don't have to stand the pain so it's not so bad after all . :P

.::Health::.

I went jogging this morning too. Woke up at 6 and followed my parents. I found that I'm sooo weak, not enough stamina and yet so slow. =__= Sobs* Anyway, I enjoy jogging and I saw a little cute monkey. :3 It's so near to me and when I want to take out my phone to take a picture of it, it ran away from me. -.-" So no picture for that cute monkey. By the way, I think I grow a little bit bigger I guess? My shoes tortured me all the way while I was jogging and my feet ended like this.

Sobs* It pains a lot. :'(

Anyway, I'll continue to jog, won't give up just because of this. :D I left 2 more targets. Will update about it soon. ^^

Tata  ♥

How observant you are? :)

I wonder how observant can a person be? It's hard to figure out for the right answer.

Anyway, I believe that no matter how observant you are, you can't read exactly what the others are thinking about. As I'm very sure that there's still lines that are bottled up inside someone's heart and you never know about it.


How ironic. It's three something and I'm still awake? Gosh ~ Urghh. I'll try to get to bed now again.

Tata  ♥

Aim : Few changes to make myself better in looking :D

As long as you're a human being, I'm sure you hope to make yourself to be good in looking. Well, I give myself a target to achieve and hope that I can do it well.

First - hairstyle

This is the first thing that I've achieved so far. I think the whole world know that I went for a hair dye and yet there's no big difference after all. I showed Natasha how my hair through web cam and she told me that she like it very much. I wonder it's a truth or what. :P Anyway, I'm happy about it. But, she told me that I changed from a cutie girl to cutie lady. Is that a good thing ? Uhhh, no idea. =.= Haha. I do think of taking a picture of my new hairstyle but I'm not so good in camwhoring anymore so there's no picture for now.

Second - face

I went for facial treatment twice and I'll be going for it this coming week again. Hmmm, I must be more patient to wait it become better. My mother told me that it won't recover so fast :'(. And still, I must take good care of it. Now it's getting better as you can't find big pimples on my face anymore. Just only those stupid holes cause my face not so good in looking. :(

Third - health

Hmmm, I'm consider as slim???? *doubting* I find that my body doesn't has the shape that girls should have. Maybe it's because of my height or I'm fat cause my tummy ain't big but still there's "tayar" so I'm not really satisfied with it. Haha ! Anyway, that's not what I wanna talk about. >_< I want to jog and make it as a routine cause I want to stay healthy and maybe make my body more fit? Hehe. But thanks to laziness, until now I have not start it yet. =.= Someone please come and motivate me please. xD

Fourth - Wearing

I wanna buy lot of clothes !!! Maybe I'll try on something new? Depends. This coming Chinese New Year, I'm going to shop and buy as many clothes as I can. Ahahaha ! I'm going insane. Duhhh ~ Forgive me please. Cause I already didn't buy clothes for a long time.

Fifth - Teeth

I'm going for a teeth cleaning soon. Does it pain? It's my first time, kinda scare actually. Wish me the best for this. Ahahaha ! Timid Lilian scares pain a lot. >_<

Five targets and I've achieved one. Will not give up for the things I want !! Oh ya, the best way to make yourself look good is smile more. :) It makes you look more charming, trust me. So show your white teeth always. :D


That's all for now, Tata  ♥

First step - beauty

Remember that I said that I want to be more pretty? I tried something new. Guess what is it? I went for a hair dye :3 Hope it doesn't make me looks older. Anyway, I'm glad that I give it a try cause I used to worry a lot before I dye. xD


Curious about my new look? Stay tune then. :P

  What I can do is tend to be more brave and try my best for everything. I don't want to regret for things that I never try. Forget about the risk and take the fall. If it's what you want, then it worth it's all.

Every step that I take, I don't know where will it lead to. But I know each step that I take, it proves that I did not give up !

Learn to cherish

Someone shares his blog with me few days ago and it's all about his past. Something special for this blog is about his love which is very memorable yet it is heart-rending. Now he's neither keen nor eager for love anymore. You can try to imagine how love hurts. Sigh ! Anyway, he's now free from all the sadness and sorrow. (:

I wonder how great it will be as if we can predict the future. At least, we can prevent ourselves from making the wrong choices. Well, I know it's impossible. It's just a stupid thought of mine. Forget about it !

From what I learn about his experience is I must appreciate everything I have, no matter it's about love, family or friends. I don't want to wait until someday I lost anyone of them, I just realize how much that he/she meant to me. Maybe someday things may change but still I have memorable memories that can't never be forgotten.

 I'll cherish everyone and everything in my life ^^

I know how bad I want things to last forever but for the meanwhile, I still have to clear my mind to take it easy. I like to have my future mapped out, now maybe I need to learn to go with the flow. Like what someone told me, don't expect everything is the best, do remember to expect the unexpected.

I'm glad that he tend to be so honest to me cause if he promise something, it may become a broken vow. Needa' to admit that fact is always very cruel. Even when Cinderella appears in this real world, I bet she also won't find her prince like how the fairy tales used to be.

I know it's a fact yet it still affects my mood a lot. :(

Be daring and face it (:

I guess everyone faces problems when he/she's in a relationship, and so as I. Somehow I'm glad that so far everything still goes flawlessly. ♥

I would like to share about an experience that I know from a friend. I have a friend who's facing problem for now and she hasn't find a way to solve it yet. She's poor in communication but she took the first step and asked her beloved boyfriend what's the matter. I can't imagine what if I'm in that kind of situation. When an entire colony of butterflies in my stomach and still I have to be brave to face the problems. She has the courage to face it and I'm proud of her. She's awesome !

I think every problem has it's own solution. What we have to do is walk around it and we'll see the entrance to the solution. Maybe it's tough for us to seek for it but then I'm sure what we'll find it someday. My dearest friend, Valen ever told me to bear with the problems I face and take it as a good experience which life wanna share with me. Maybe that's it ! So never frown. Face it with a lion-heart.

Furthermore, in a relationship I don't think that we should be like another person as it doesn't show who we really are. Stephen Levine ever said that "Love is not what we become, but what we already are." So, I believe that as if its the person u do love, u won't act weird. Just take it easy, be yourself, and I'm sure it makes you feel more comfortable when you do so too.

I have no right to judge a person or to give advices as I'm not an expert, however I just wanna share what I know. Take care, everyone.

Night. ^^

Hearts,
Lilian.

Jealousy

I always think that I'm easy going but it seems like I'm not really one. Or, maybe I used to be one, just something horrible happens to me which is I've changed and I didn't even realize it.

When jealousy flows into your heart and apparently you can't overcome it, it feels so miserable. I never been through this kind of situation before cause usually when it happens, I never feel it that way. Till then, I have a taste of it last night.

I can't even sleep a wink last night. Maybe it sounds so exaggerated but that's the situation i was in. I know it's past and also certainly means that I have to move forward and let the part be the past. I just need some time for it and maybe for myself.

Anyway, I know I'm strong enough to get through it. (: